October 30th and it feels like just yesterday that I was getting ready to start the new school year. It's been busy. Hectic and busy and tiring. I had to drop my clinical this term, which puts me behind in my nursing program. I won't finish now until march 2012. This is disappointing, only because now school will take longer, but it will be a lighter course load, and that will make a big difference.
I've been feeling kinda lost lately.
It's hard to describe exactly what I mean. I struggle. I go up and down emotionally and I struggle. Sometimes I think I'm crazy, other times I think I'm probably putting on a show but I can't stop things. I wish I could change things about myself. The way I act and react to things, people and situations. Even maybe learn to hold my tongue sometimes. But I don't.
I"m lost even as I write this. My brain can't seem to find a flow of something that I want to say. Maybe I need sleep, maybe another beer? No, sleep. I haven't been sleeping well lately anyways. I have had so much school stress and other life things that I don't know which was is up sometimes.
I know that life for me right now is boring. Uneventful and boring. I look forward to the day that I earn money instead of borrow, that I can travel instead of watch travel on tv. When I can see and experience in real life, and not just within the pages of a book. I want more, from myself, and from my life. But I don't know what that more is that I want. I do know it's like I have a hole and I can't seem to fill it back up.
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