3 years.

Wednesday this past week was my three year anniversary with my husband. Three years, it's gone by quickly. I remember when I was younger, in junior high, or high school and I would think about my plan for life and how I thought stuff would play out. I would get married for maybe a year or two then start a family. Well, I'm past that part and no family for me currently and I'm enjoying just being married. Life is so busy and complicated sometimes with just the two of us. I can't imagine the difficulties that a child would add at this time of our life. Yet, at times I can't help but feel guilty for not, creating? not, doing as God designed me to do. I have goals you see. Life, career, and others that I wish to do. I am uncertain on my desire for a family. I used to but since some changes and turns I don't know if I can bare trying again.

My mom was talking to me the other day about how we in american and some european countries are having an average of around 1.3 or 1.7 children per couple. Which, well...that means we are making less and less people. Gradually the worlds white population is shrinking. She also mentioned how there are other cultures that are still having large families of 6-8 children. I don't know what it really means. The face of our world is definetly changing. I think about however the baby boomers. You hear a lot of talk in the news about them retiring and being what, 2 years, 3 years away from a huge increase of retirees. What does that do to the canadian pension fund? Are there enough younger working people to keep that pension fund going. One thought, is that those boomers...not so many of the women worked as we do now. So, perhaps that will help. Also my other thought, being a employee of a hospital, is how will all this aging generation affect my job and the jobs of others, we definetly won't loose our jobs, but we'll be over worked that is for sure. And the waites for doctors, tests, emergiencies etc are just going to get worse. So the question is, should I be having lots of babies to do my part, yes it's an odd question and I know that my 2 or 3 little children wouldn't change a worlds population but perhaps if we all thought this way. However it seems that in general we are too preoccupied with the need for money. For lavish expensive houses that are too big for us to clean ourselves because we work all day long so we hire a house keeper. then there is also the fact that to keep this lifestyle we have to continue to work when we have children and then we need to hire a babysitter or send our children to daycare. I personally think the idea of sending my child to a daycare full time is not an option. If I were to have children I want to be the one to raise them. But...this is another part of my conflict with my own goals. Hmm.... very selfish I know.